By the mid-1970s the list of officially recognised hazards far outnumbered the list of non-hazardous. In fact, the only situation that the council approved as being completely risk free was the state of being deceased*.
Because each of the myriad hazards had its own detailed safety guidelines, citizens became easily confused, and the council was under pressure to create one safety procedure that could be adopted in any given scenario.
Experts eventually developed ‘kneeling at an angle’ which they determined could protect a person from the following dangers: an attack by a rabid animal, falling out of a seventh storey window, a chip pan fire or nuclear attack, being electrocuted by a feral robot, being thrown by a professional wrestler.
The slogan ‘Get angled. Not mangled’ was drummed into school children, who were submitted to regular angle drills.
* However, the council did acknowledge that a dead person might be in danger of post-mortem perdition. For this eventually the council published a separate, non-denominational pamphlet which prepared the reader for an eternity of discomfort in the hell or hell-like place of his or her choice. Advice included taking a change of clothing, doing regular exercise and eating Kiwi fruit.
By: Scarfolk Council
Via: Feedbin Starred Entries